Thursday

Today I went to see my dentist, "The Butcher of Burien." I see him twice a year, for a total of perhaps ten minutes, and he knows my name, my educational background, my boss' name, and whether or not I flossed last night. That last one he knows just by looking at my face as I come in the door. He greets me by name of course, and proceeds to ask me questions about my life. I answer a couple, and then switch into one-word-answer mode in order to get his curiosity claws out of me. I wanted this experience to be over with fast. After chatting with him (him chatting, me grunting replies), he stepped out of my path so I could follow the hygenist into the exam room.

I was at work the other day, when this customer (a lawyer) told me the story of his law school buddy who dropped out early to attend dental school. The lawyer's buddy now gets a new BMW every three years. According to the lawyer, he does this simply because he can.

I suspect that my dentist does the same thing, for he clearly makes a ton of money. Every exam room is outfitted with a brand-new flat screen tv. The tv is on a fully adjustable stand just behind the spotlight, making it possible for patients like me to drown out their dental pain with an episode of "Iron Chef." As soon as I got settled in, the hygenist handed me the remote, and began the cleaning. As she cleans, she lectures me on the virtues of floss, soft toothbrushes, and Fox News. I respond with positive sounding "ughs," while trying to smile and look agreeable. After all, this woman is holding a fish hook in my mouth.

ZZZZZ... SWISH... FLOOSH... --flip.

I looked out from behind the goggles. The hygenist paused and glanced at the tv.

ZZZZZ... SWISH... FLOOSH... --flip.

This time, she clamps her jaw.

ZZZZZ... SWISH... FLOOSH... --flip.

She's grinding her teeth now. I make a mental note to tell The Butcher about this. He may have some "cure."

ZZZZZ... SWISH... FLOOSH... --flip.

We're now watching Montel Williams. She takes her tool out of my mouth, and calmly places her hand upon mine. She smiles sweetly, but I can see the pleading in her eyes. I try to smile back. She resumes.

ZZZZZ... SWISH... FLOOSH... --flip.

Click.

She resumes the cleaning.